Blank.

So I didn't end up getting that job I talked about last time. So many people showed up to interview, and I'm sure many many more have gone to volunteer. Basically a bust. It bothers me more because it was a group interview, with the existing employees deciding if they thought we would be good for the position; and they obviously thought poorly of me.

School has not been going well. I feel very lost. Even if I thought I could handle going to vet school at this point, my grades wouldn't get me in anywhere. I have nothing to work towards. I'm just a disappointment.

A couple of days ago I had space between classes and decided to go to a talk by one of the Animal Science professors about nutrition. I'm not all that interested in nutrition --I surprised myself by getting a B in the course, though, despite stories of most people failing it on the first try (plus the fact that I'm no good with math)-- but I decided to check it out. It was interesting, and listening to him speak about all the animals and their well-being brought back a little something in me. I think this quarter has been rough for me mentally because of the lack of major courses in my schedule. I've been feeling better about things recently, but finals sneaking up around the corner still has me stressed.

The same day I went to listen to that presentation I saw a flyer advertising a volunteer program at a vet clinic. It said they would start in late February or early March, and when I called they said they already started training, but I went today and turned in a resume for it. The people actually seemed glad to have volunteers, and it looks like there's a good chance they'll call me next time they're training. If they do let me volunteer, I'm hoping that I could get a job there over the summer, too. Me being optimistic.

For-profit

“Your vet may not have gotten into vet school! Vets who can’t get into traditional U.S. veterinary programs due to bad grades and poor test scores often go to for-profit schools in the Caribbean, where, basically, if you can pay the tuition, you get in.” (Link)

Ouch... And St. George's was one of the school's I really thought about applying to, too. Feels great to get affirmation of your failures.

Reevaluations

Sometimes I don't know where I get my motivation from. There are days, few and far between, where I feel so empowered, and sure of myself. The past year has been full of days very opposite from that. I've been reevaluating my educational goals and questioning myself a lot. I've decided that I don't want to go to vet school. At least not now.

Maybe someday in the future I'll be inspired to pursue a DVM, but right now I don't think I could handle it. Even if I did decide to go I don't have the grades to get in. I was never all that sure about college, but I was aware that it was something expected of me. I'm not a first-generation college student. On my dad's side, he, his sister, and their parents have all received bachelors degrees or higher.  It's nothing special that I made it into college. And being in college, I've learned that the main thing they care about is getting you in and out in 4 years. The idea of not graduating in 4 years seemed like a horrible thing, because not graduating on time means you're not as smart, or good enough. I know I'm not the smartest person, but I decided that I don't care about graduating "on time." If I'm spending all this money and putting myself through all this stress I should do what I want to do, at my own pace. College is supposed to be about exploring your options, discovering new things, and taking classes that you're interested in, not limiting yourself to a strict list of graduation requirements. If I can help it, I'm not going to take more than 3 academic classes at a time to give myself some breathing room, and time for potential jobs or volunteer things.

I'm trying to stay positive, but its been hard.

Anyways, my classes this quarter are: Biology (intro to organismal form and function), Philosophy (ethics), English (great books: romanticism through modern literature), and Music (jazz styles). That's 3 GE's and one support course. It's hard to keep up with all of the reading; I've been doing a poor job of it so far. I'm fairly confident that I'll pass everything, but I can't say I'll do so with the best grades. We'll just have to see how it goes.

2012

Been unsuccessful with keeping up this blog, but I think I'll start writing more now. *fingers crossed*

Anyways, I ended last quarter like this:

Asci 221 (Meat Science) - B+
Stats 218 (Statistics for Life Sciences) - B
Chem 127 (Gen. Chem. I) - C
Philosophy 230 - C

Not the greatest, but I was really relieved I even passed the fist in the Chem series. I got D's on every midterm, then scraped a C out on the final. I know it's really bad; and I'm not doing much better this quarter with the second in the series. I already failed the first midterm miserably; worse than I've ever done on a test in college so far (except maybe Econ, but let's pretend that class never happened). But when we took the midterm, literally no one had finished it before our time was up. My professor curved it a little bit, and is giving us the opportunity to gain some extra points, but it's not going to help much (even with the curve I still failed).

I've been thinking lately, trying to be realistic, that I don't think I'll make it to vet school. My grades are not good, and I don't think I'll be able to get them up high enough to be competitive (still sitting on a 2.53 GPA). I'm going to talk to my advisor sometime this week, and despite being doubtful of my ability I will keep taking the pre-vet concentration classes (and hopefully I don't fail everything and get kicked out of school).

Besides that though, I'm not sure what other options I have. I don't know what I could pursue that might make me happy. I've been planning to do a minor in Biotechnology, but I'm not sure what I can even do with that, it just seemed really interesting.

Besides my floundering around in life, my roommates are good (I think I talked about this already?), but I realized I have to start looking for a place to live next year and have no clue at the moment. Not being very close with people here also doesn't make it any easier for me. I feel like everyone has plans already, and I don't want to randomly ask people and be the awkward person with no one to live with that everyone will feel bad for. But anyways... these are the classes I'm taking this quarter:

Asci 225 (Intro to Poultry Management)
Chem 128 (Gen. Chem II)
Bio 303 (Survey of Genetics)


Also, the foaling enterprise (which has been very uneventful so far) which I'm hoping will pick up speed soon when the mare's start foaling out. One of them is actually supposed to be due today (the 7th), so we'll see if I get a call in the middle of the night over the next few days.

Finals Around the Corner

Apparently I'm not very good about keeping up with this blog. I'll think about writing something but then I don't end up doing it. I think right now I only started writing because I'm feeling depressed. I have been for the past week or so. I feel on the verge of tears multiple times throughout the day; I think a big part of it is loneliness. I have some friends here, and am even starting to make new ones, but I miss my friends at home. I'm sure it all coincides with finals and stress, though I hardly ever feel like I'm stressed.

Loneliness... I go through these phases all the time, I feel like I always have, and always bounce back, but I feel it more now. I don't think I've wanted to cry so much in a long time. 







I have last priority to register for classes, which really sucks. I'll have to work to crash classes and stuff so I can stay a full-time student (having 12+ units). Most of the classes I want and need are already half full, and this was only the first week or registration. I don't go until the 1st of December.

I'm worried about not passing my Chem class. I went down to a 70.3% or so because I keep getting D's on the midterms. The most frustrating part is that I knew how to do everything, I just can't do it nearly as fast enough to finish the test. I started getting better grades on my quizzes though, which has bumped me back up to a 73.4%, but we have another midterm on Monday. I might do better on it since the material isn't as involved (lewis structures, ionization energies, quantum numbers), but we'll see. If I could scrape out a B on this test I would be so happy. That of course probably requires me to keep studying, but since I feel like crap I don't feel like doing anything.

I haven't done the homework to review for my Stats quiz either, which is also on Monday (he doesn't collect it). I have a B in that class right now, but if I don't get a B or better on the final -- which isn't cumulative, thank god-- I could drop down to a C, since he curves the class. As for my Meat class I'm pretty content with where I am. I got high B's on both midterms, so if I can do that or better on the final, and get an A in the Lab, he might just give me an A. My GPA really needs that A... Then there's Philosophy. Apparently my projected grade is a D+ and I'm not completely sure why, which is also kinda depressing.

Of Grades and Injuries

I have been really lazy lately, and slightly swamped with work. My schedule keeps me busier than I had anticipated, with me being out most days from when I leave at 8:30am till about 7-10pm depending on the day. I took two midterms on friday, one in Meat Science and one in Chem. I feel like I did really well on the Meat one, and I just got my Chem one back today and got a D. I was kinda expecting it because I didn't get to finish the test, but it still sucks. I have decent grades on all the quizzes and lab reports so far, so hopefully I can start doing better since I know Chem and all the other sciences are super important for my GPA. I also got a 91 on my first Stats test :] Here's hoping I can keep it up. Oh, and I made hot dogs last week in my meat lab, haha. Haven't eaten them yet though!

The week before last was not the best week for me. I went shopping at Costo with a friend, and on the way back to the bus stop I tripped and fell on the concrete. Usually when I fall I land on my knees, and knees + hard concrete = ouch. So I lugged my backpack filled with goodies all the way back up the hill to my apartment on campus and was so tired. Later on in the week it was 3am, my roommate (yes, I did end up getting a roommate, and she's really nice!) wasn't home yet, and I had dirty dishes on my desk to take into the kitchen. I stand up, plate, bowl, and glass in hand, and turn to walk towards the door... then I'm not sure if I tripped over my baggy pyjamas or just thin air, but trip I did. Landed on my knees again (more ow), and after the shock of that I saw that I had shattered my glass, chipped my BRAND NEW plate in several places, and yet the bowl remained undamaged, even though it's made of glass too. After this new shock wears off, I notice my hand is bleeding, quite a lot actually.

First thing I do is try to gather up the shards of glass (the plate was actually stoneware, so that might explain the chipping, but the chips literally flew everywhere. I found some pieces up in my bed, which is like 4 feet off the ground). My hand is still bleeding, and actually dripped a bit onto the carpet. Luckily its the ugly multicolored motel kind that you can't see stains too clearly on. So I clean up glass, take it into the kitchen and leave it on the counter. I think the cleaning people must have taken it because I just left it there and it vanished. Then I rinse my hand off, study my cut for a moment or two because I was really interested on how this tiny little cut was bleeding so much (and even more interested in how fast it closed up, it's practically healed now), and bandage it up. Go to clean up the extra little pieces of glass that I missed, drag the vacuum out of the closet in the living room, can't figure out how to turn it on for a good 5 minutes or so, and suck anything I missed up. There was also a big wet spot on the floor because the glass had water in it when I dropped it.

I was really more irritated at the fact that I had just gotten these plates, and I REALLY like them, and I already broke one of them... Also I now only have 3 glasses, and one of them I used for scooping my fish last year so I don't really want to drink out of it. I was also glad my roommate wasn't there, because if she saw me fall it would have been embarrassing as hell :c

And then, later in the week again, I woke up with a really bad pain in my neck. I'm not sure if it was a pinched nerve or a really bad muscle pain but I hurt a lot to move in a certain way or lift my arm. More recently this week my knee has been bothering me a bit. It's probably from falling so much (because the first day of school I also slipped and fell off a wall, smacking my knee into it)... I only notice it when I go to sit cross-legged, it really hurts but goes away after a while, like if something was stretching out. Then when I straighten my leg out again it hurts just as much, and gradually lessens. If I lean down on my knee, like when climbing into bed it also hurts. I'm hoping it'll go away soon cause it's really annoying. This is super long and was sort of pointless, I just talked about me getting hurt, haha. I plan to write again soon~